There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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