Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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