he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
