do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
