R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
