god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
