That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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