You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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