You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
