The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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