so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
40s are totally the cure
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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