I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
