You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize