Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
