My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
is wine microwaveable?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
two words...techno handjob
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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