just tell him i said nine months
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
