I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
