All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
soo... how was my night?
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