it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
