New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
