Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How's work?
Spinning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
