I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
