i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
