so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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