Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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