Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
