My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
