Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
