i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I skipped work to stalk him.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize