Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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