No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
