I cockslap morals
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
