just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Randomize
