We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
