I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
