The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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