We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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