So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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