I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
