do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
