you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
