she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
