my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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