dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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