I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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