I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
