so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
