It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
