Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
