he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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