Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
