Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
