my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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