So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
