I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
