Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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