I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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