being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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