I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
