Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
