I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
