She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
