So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
