The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
