i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
