Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
